#Idéale: Winning a French Beauty Contest is a Cow's Job

Impossible beauty standards fuel the health and wellness industry often dressed up as healthy living solutions. Today after reading about Idéale, who I will be personally appointing as our new leader, a heroine if you will. Now I wish to lay out all the ways we can be more like her and why we should. For reference:

“Idéale has got everything going for her: a short head, a broad muzzle with nice sharp teeth, fine crescent-shaped horns which curve perfectly around towards her eyes (referred to as cabettes), a wide and muscular back, thick haunches, etc. The perfect ambassador for her breed! Idéale is docile and does not mind people going up to her. And she cannot hide her pleasure when being stroked. She is very maternal and regularly calves once a year.”

1. Oooh for Mooo- Idéale, never talks back or turns down a compliment. Be confident enough that your sharp teeth(or wit) are more than enough to turn heads. Be silent but deadly in the face of adversity, not that there will be any since now you’re beautiful. Now is the time to speak affirmatively and positively, don’t apologize for being sharp even if your teeth aren’t. Most importantly accept compliments with the air of a bovine beauty, complete acceptance of someone stating a very clear fact. “Congratulations on your impeccable vision.” or “Moo” if you will.

Add to your 2020 vision aesthetic with the classic fashion choice of sunglasses.

2. How to achieve horns or a horny look? What hairdresser hasn’t heard me ask this since I was able to cry they were doing my hair all wrong. Please make my hair pointy so I can attack others with it. If pointy hair isn’t for you be bold and accessorize however you want. 

Achieve a horns forward style extra hair gel:

3. A wide and muscular back is an incredibly desirable trait in humans and animals, how else will we shoulder the burden of our beauty or careers? Never neglect back day and carving that hourglass figure from behind. You may not grow to be as strong as Charolais cow, a breed described as; “massive and horned” but you can stand tall and be strong. Back muscles are essential to a strong core and deserve all the same attention as your abdominals in a workout. Make everyone hate to see you go but love to watch you leave. 

Build strong shoulders and back with weight training:

4. If they’re watching you leave it is a true shame you don’t have hooves for stomping but this isn’t Paris, we aren’t on a runway so walking lightly in the world is much better for our joints. If we walk gently we are getting excellent steady state cardio and building bone density, something imperative for women of all ages. 

Might I suggest the classic Chuck Taylor for quietly strolling anywhere you wish.

5. French women have seduction down to a science Idéale is no different with her docile acceptance of adoration. If only we humans had the power she does in her haunches we too would be confident enough to be an ambassador for our breed. In effort to create such a sturdy physique, train legs! Lunge, squat, run, and thrust your way into the powerful mindset of a legendary Charolais cow. Charolais cows were bred as draught animals so sled pulls are an absolute must to build the legs up as sturdy as this French beauty.

A Sled/ Prowler combo made by Titan is just the trick to creating the power you need!

Now you have all the tips to become a hardy example of your beautiful breed of human. Train legs, train back, accept compliments, and be positive.

Megan A. Sherlock is personal trainer and competitive athlete who holds certifications geared towards performance, transformation, and a degree in contemporary art/media production that has made life exhilarating.

All inquiries: stronger@sherlockfit.com