You're Dead Inside? Are you Rhabdomyolysis Dead Inside?

Rhabdomyolysis was a word I’ve known since I was running cross country in high school and as former intercollegiate athlete and current fitness professional it always boggled my mind when people had not heard of it. My world was absolutely changed by my experience with rhabdomyolysis but none of the permanent changes were physical they were emotional and contributed to an improved view of my world.

I suffered from rhabdomyolysis despite being a trainer with more certifications combined than the writer of the original article (https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/how-to-exercise-after-rhabdo) listed as options as a national certification. To say a lack of training knowledge brings this upon you is ignorant considering the variables that are in play. For the record I’ve done far more strenuous things than the teensy workouts before I entered the hospital and a variety of jaw droppers since. Rhabdomyolysis is not a product of hard work it is an absence of adequate recovery.

Now, Storytime:

When you workout you are going to break down muscle tissue, rhabdomyolysis occurs when you break down the muscle faster than your kidneys can process the myoglobin. Myoglobin is the protein that stores oxygen in your muscles and as a doctor kindly explained it to me; “you have so much dead muscle it’s shredding your kidneys” I kindly replied; “Thanks doc, I always aim to be both shredded and dead inside”

Oddly no one laughed, it was a tough room. They wanted to cut me out of my sports bra next and if you’ve ever shopped at lululemon you and I can both agree that you can cut me out of this bra when I am unconscious but for now we’re all going to work as a team and get me out of this thing. Calling my muscles “swollen” would be an insult to the bee-stung look my body had embraced in that moment. Not to brag but they had never seen rhabdomyolysis so bad. I was the baddest chick they ever met!

In all seriousness I baffled medical professionals with the creatine phosphokinase levels reaching approximately 90,000 while remaining fully cognizant and relatively snarky through the whole debacle. (Shout out to my nurse Claudette who said she wanted to put a bell on me since I kept wandering off. I love you and thanks for the snacks.) The reason my levels and overall lively spirit was astonishing is that people with these metrics come in on stretchers having fallen down or been doing hard drugs because rhabdomyolysis isn’t just for athletes it’s also for drug addicts and old people who fall down and can’t get up causing a lack of blood flow to the muscle and then death. Being born with an old soul and a taste for Lorna Doone cookies really doesn’t make you an old person but it did make all the doctors suspect I was doing steroids since my age had me in the drug user category. Upon being asked that question in the ER and everywhere else during my adventure at Hackensack UMC my response never wavered from; “Look at me, would I look like this on steroids?” It didn’t matter that night in the ER I was running on caffeine and about two hours of sleep saying something stupid wasn’t going to be a forgivable offense to me. It never has been, at least you know where you stand.

The week was arduous to say the least. I, Megan Sherlock, the funniest person in hospital room…I WAS THERE ALL WEEK. I brought my best catskill comedienne to the party and laughter was the only thing that kept the tears in. A week is a long time to be anywhere especially somewhere they don’t turn the damn lights off and I went in thinking something was up but I had never slept overnight in the hospital! It was scary! PEOPLE DIE THERE!! I decided that I wasn’t going to be one of them not knowing I was a week, a stroke doppler, many needles, and countless IV bags away from freedom.

You’ll get through it but you have to understand the contributing factors that brought me there; I wasn’t sleeping, I don’t sleep or eat much when I am stressed out and I had never been more stressed out or miserable in my life where I was working. Rhabdomyolysis recovery is comes from understanding what it means to be tired and respecting it. Respecting yourself enough to say no to things and definitely YES to sleep is a good start.

I am a detail oriented person and I could close my eyes and see the cranberry colored scrubs Claudette wore when she would find me in the quad I would cry in but I never thought, I, with my endless energy could be overworked. Foreign to me is the idea that I could overlook or ignore a performance metric but I didn’t consider sleep as one of them at that time. I am not the type to tire but there was a lot about me at that time I was neglecting and compensating by overworking and when I finally had an opportunity to get a solid workout in I never gave myself the sleep or water I needed to recover. This learning has been so huge and made me a better athlete than ever and as impossible as it sounds I’m submitting to Ninja Warrior this year. Work smarter, not harder is more accurate than work hard, play hard. One might kill you.